


Take Me To Church

by littlemisstpk



Series: Rhythm on the Court [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, F/M, M/M, POV Third Person Limited, Pining, Post-Canon, Reconciliation, Songfic, Time Skips, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-28
Updated: 2018-03-28
Packaged: 2019-04-14 05:02:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14128668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlemisstpk/pseuds/littlemisstpk
Summary: Yamaguchi Tadashi is a masochist, especially when it comes to Tsukki and his best efforts to forget a broken heart.





	Take Me To Church

**Author's Note:**

> Title is taken from Take Me To Church by Hozier. [Here](https://youtu.be/PVjiKRfKpPI) is where you can take a listen.
> 
> This was almost too much fun to write.

Looking back on his life, Yamaguchi Tadashi could only describe himself as a masochist. It is the only way that Tadashi could explain why he stayed by Tsukishima Kei’s side for as long as he did, laughing at his mean jokes from behind the taller boy so that he was not the target. It also wasn’t because Tadashi knew every single chink in Tsukki’s extraordinarily spiky armour, and for the most part, let it be.

This is not to say that Tadashi was incapable of standing up for himself, even against  Tsukki. When it became clear to Tadashi that Tsukki was slipping away one hot evening in Tokyo during their first year of high school, Tadashi ran after his friend in a frenzy that surprised even him. The adrenaline pumping through his veins as he grabbed the front of Tsukki's shirt made him not care about the very real danger that his friend could pose to his face if he decided to take his rather loud reminders about pride to heart, just that his message went across.

The only warning that Tadashi’s half-baked plan went well was Tsukki’s exclamation of, “When did you become so cool?”. It was still not enough for Tadashi not to be surprised at Tsukki’s hands grasping both sides of his face, crashing lips together. Dimly,  Tadashi thought that he would have had to deal with Tsukki’s fists rather than his pleasure as the true danger to himself, and could only unfurl his fists from the other boy’s shirt to pull them closer. It was not gentle, and judging from the heat coiling deep within him, Tadashi was glad as Tsukki broke away and buried his face in the crook of Tadashi’s neck, and Tadashi found his back pressed against the very pole he had pushed Tsukki up against. The heat within became unbearable as Tsukki rolled his hips against Tadashi, who shuddered and saw white spots fill his vision as embarrassing sounds involuntarily left his lips. When Tadashi came to full consciousness, Tsukki’s still-heavy breathing was evening out, a rare smile ghosting his flushed face.

Reaching down into his shorts to adjust himself, Tsukki removed his hand to caress Tadashi's face, the remnants of his release leaving trails where his fingers touched. As Tsukki leaned in to say words that Tadashi was too turned on fully grasp, he let out a sigh,  his body already ramping up for round two. As quickly as the semi-tender contact came, it left, as Tsukki walked in the direction of gym three, leaving Tadashi in his rapidly cooling mess. It was only when Tsukki’s form had completely disappeared that Tadashi’s brain came back, and he made his way to clean up in peace.

~~~~~

It became a game that the two kept up throughout high school, as, ever the shithead, Tsukki pushed the boundaries on what made Tadashi tick. Just like Tadashi had figured out that he liked getting humiliated, Tsukki seemed at his happiest when he could do the humiliating. It became the core of who they were as a couple, something that Tadashi thought would be able to survive even through college.

It was nearing the end of his third year, and Tsukki's creative ambushes were becoming less and less, and Tadashi began to worry about how they would be able to keep up their needs when Tsukki went to Tokyo and Tadashi stayed in Sendai. Tadashi knew this was a conversation that he had to have soon, but he resolved to do so after graduation and all the ceremony had been taken care of. He did not anticipate that his teammate would choose to make a move at that very time.

Tadashi was looking innocently through the crowd for Tsukki and the rest of his family when he saw Kageyama rush by him, clearly crying with a weird, stony expression carved onto his face. When Tadashi’s eyes followed the direction that Kageyama was fleeing, finding a shell-shocked Hinata looking like he was about to keel over. Despite the fact that Tadashi rushed over to his friend's side, he was not fast enough to prevent Hinata’s drop to the ground, but was able to catch him before Hinata decided to meld completely with the concrete underneath him. Tadashi pulled Hinata up to his feet, bringing his friend who was currently living all of his anxieties into an embrace to add whatever comfort he could.

At Tadashi's party, where the only third year volleyball player not in attendance was Kageyama, and several other close classmates showed up, Hinata was quickly turning himself into a spectacle. There was not a point when Tadashi looked over at his friend that Hinata was not quickly drinking something alcoholic.  Turning quickly to Tsukki and giving him a peck on the cheek, Tadashi made his way over to the clearly distraught boy who was fumbling with opening another beer. Tadashi used his height to his advantage to grab to the can from directly above Hinata’s head. Tadashi gave a small laugh as he caught Hinata searching the ground for the can now in Tadashi's right hand. This didn't stop Tadashi from guiding Hinata outside to get some fresh air.

As soon as the pair made it across the threshold and felt the cool April air, Hinata lurched forward, nearly falling off the deck into the bushes. It was good that Hinata had landed where he did, as he was currently vomiting his approximate body weight into the bushes. Any closer to the door,  and Tadashi would be cleaning up the deck, and had Hinata fallen off, it would have been too horrific to imagine. Tadashi’s stomach turned in sympathy, whether it was from witnessing vomiting or seeing Hinata as a personification of all his anxieties that he had buried beneath tournament prep and studying for entrance exams, but he couldn't leave his distraught friend alone as he currently was.

When Hinata finally collapsed, Tadashi gently caressed his back. As Hinata let out a sob, Tadashi pulled the smaller boy upwards towards his chest, hoping that he was creating a safe spot for his friend to let out his worries and fears. It seemed to work, and for a long time, they stayed on the deck, as Tadashi protected Hinata.

It was not long after Hinata had fallen asleep in Tadashi's arms that Tadashi heard the door behind him open, revealing Tsukki standing in the doorframe. The glare on Tsukki’s face made Tadashi want to raise his hands to bring his boyfriend back, but he had no such luck, as Tsukki re-entered the party just as quickly as he appeared on the deck. Tadashi had no time to think about implications, as Hinata shivered and stirred beneath him. Pulling the other to his feet, they entered the living room to find a lively Mario Kart  tournament occurring, which they were more than happy to join in on. Tadashi didn't miss the looks Tsukki was directing at both him and Hinata.

As the morning crept forward and partygoers trickled out from Tadashi's house, Tadashi grabbed Tsukki’s arm before he could leave. Tadashi's grip was shrugged off easily, and Tsukki looked Tadashi square in the eye, saying “This isn’t going to work out. Don’t find me in Tokyo.” By the time Tadashi fully realized that this was the first time he had been on the receiving end of Tsukki's mean streak and that it felt real, his house had been deserted for an hour, leaving him with a mess in both his living room and his life to cobble into something workable.

~~~~~

Tadashi got through the moving in procedure with minimal fuss, except for a single stray thought to chat with Tsukki about the new things that were happening in his life. While he was quick to tamp down on that dangerous train of thought, seven years of habits were difficult to break,  and it was still a reflex to want to tell Tsukki about the new and exciting chapter he was about to embark on. It was in one of his explorations to get used to his new dorm that Tadashi found out heartening news: Hinata’s room was just down the hall from his. Judging from the relieved smile on Hinata’s face, he was just as happy as Tadashi at this news.

Where Hinata seemed to want to carve out his individual niche without Kageyama in the same domains as he did in high school, Tadashi held onto no such ideals. Even in the brief period in first year when Tadashi was more into volleyball than Tsukki, his fervor was always because he wanted to keep up with Tsukki; a game without him held no appeal. Tadashi took this opportunity to reinvent himself, and opted to join the drama club, hoping that in trading in his identity for another for a short while, that he might find something he could use to forget the constant pain he felt in his chest. He wasn't completely heartless, and he still went to support Hinata, Sugawara and Nishinoya in whatever games he could make.

It was because of his promise to Hinata to watch whatever games he could that Tadashi found himself dreading the upcoming match.  The name of the university might not have registered in Hinata's mind, but it certainly rang a few bells in Tadashi's mind. The one tidbit of information that was distracting him from facing Tsukki again was the pride he felt when Hinata told him that he would be a starting middle blocker this game. Taking one of the early lessons from his own club activities, he pulled forward all the happiness he could, letting that positivity mask the anxiety bubbling within his stomach.

When the day of the match came, Tadashi climbed the stairs to the spectator area and took his place within easy sight of the court. He caught Hinata’s eye in the middle of him fooling around with Nishinoya as if they were wearing the black and orange they all wore in high school instead of the royal blue and lime green they currently wore. Tadashi could not help but laugh at how much brighter Noya’s lime green uniform was compared to Karasuno’s orange.

A glimmer of movement out of the corner of Tadashi's eye brought him out of his fond reverie, as the opposing team entered the playing area. It was easy to find Tsukki, as tall as he was, and he was wearing a uniform that looked very familiar. Tsukki was decked out in a uniform that was extremely similar to Karasuno’s style, mostly black, but instead of orange accents, it was hot pink and white. Using a quick excuse to look away from Tsukki, Tadashi searched out the libero, who was wearing a white shirt with hot pink and black accents, requiring much less personal confidence to pull off and look good than Noya required with his getup.

As the game progressed, Tadashi realized that he was still was ever the masochist, but instead of simply having Tsukki under his armour, he also had Hinata under there as well. With each rally, Hinata looked to Tadashi for support, which was something that he was more than willing to give. The only issue that Tadashi was finding was that Tsukki kept looking his way as well, his gaze penetrating what little walls Tadashi tried to summon to keep his former friend from slipping under his skin so easily.

It was when Kageyama was up to serve that the entire situation came to a head. Tadashi saw the setter toss the ball into the air, take a leap, and proceed to drill the ball directly into the back off Tsukki’s head. Tadashi could feel the tension that suddenly spread over the court from way up in the stands, and unlike the reversal from the situation from three years prior, no one was laughing to release the miasma that had descended upon the court. Tadashi felt a sharp pain in his chest as he remembered the rare sight of a younger Tsukki laughing uninhibited, taking deep pleasure in the entertainment that Hinata provided, especially as a clumsy first year. Tadashi did his best to give his encouraging face to his current friend rather than succumb to the negative feelings induced by his former lover, but he knew that it needed work.

When Tadashi saw that Kageyama's removal from the game was not going to affect Hinata’s game, he left the gymnasium in a hurry.

~~~~~

After making it across the campus in record time, Tadashi deftly opened the door to his single room. He quickly shot a text off to Hinata with a flimsy excuse about something coming up, then sank to the ground with his back pressed against the door. Even the memories of Tsukki’s impassive face were enough to reduce Tadashi to a blubbering mess, and the memory of standing in his shadow for so long in companionable silence made the loneliness all the worse.

It felt like too much time had passed before Tadashi received a text from Hinata explaining how the third set went long, but that his team finally won with a score of 35. Tadashi immediately sent a flurry of celebratory emojis of the kind that he would send to Tsukki to deliberately annoy him, as Tadashi was just as much of a shithead, just in a different way. With a wan smile, he realized that Hinata would take his genuine celebration as heartening rather than the inconvenience that Tadashi was, and found his hand hovering over his on-screen keyboard, message to Hinata half-typed out. It took Tadashi several deep breaths and a couple false starts, but he managed to text Hinata his need to no longer be lonely.

A shorter than expected amount of time later, Tadashi opened the door to find Hinata panting with effort standing just outside. Hinata stood to his full height, and Tadashi could see Hinata’s face fall as he took in the state of his face. The moment didn't last long, as Hinata entered the room and respected Tadashi’s need for privacy and immediately closing the door. Tadashi felt himself being enveloped in a hug that was far too moist to truly be enjoyed, but it was heartening to know that in his moment of need, Tadashi was more important than a post-game shower to Hinata.

It was just as Tadashi was beginning to realize that not only did Hinata not smell bad despite his gross state, but actually smelled pretty damned good, that he felt Hinata shift onto his tiptoes and press his lips against Tadashi’s temple. It might have been the emotionally charged moment, it might have even been the realization of how Hinata was affecting his mind and lower half of his body, but Tadashi was only faintly aware of turning his head to catch Hinata’s lips within his. When Tadashi pulled away to gauge Hinata’s reaction to his impulsivity, he was pleased to find no trace of regret on Hinata’s face, only mild surprise.

It was Tadashi’s turn to be surprised, as Hinata led him towards the bed, where they continued their gentle exploration of each other's bodies.

~~~~~

The pain that Tadashi felt around Hinata was fundamentally different than the pain he felt around Tsukki. With Tsukki, it was direct, it was humiliating, it made him feel like he was less than dirt, but it lit his body on fire in a way that even four years after that training camp in Tokyo and three years of a very physical relationship, the mere memory of Tsukki’s words still made him impossibly hard. Tadashi saved those memories for when he was beyond lonely and Hinata was nowhere to be found.

Hinata induced a different sort of pain. Hinata was gentle and tactile in a way that Tsukki seemed incapable, but what the casual observer didn't witness was Hinata’s own lack of feelings, causing him to be unintentionally far more cruel than Tsukki ever was. The casual observer also didn't see just how adventurous Hinata could be, taking to bedroom activities like he was creating another famous attack with Kageyama, reducing Tadashi to a puddle embarrassingly quick.

Tadashi also could hear the rumours of him and Hinata being referred to as “boyfriends”, as their touches in public, while not indecent, were definitely not of the sort that simply platonic friends shared. Tadashi smiled and turned back to his lab report, Hinata’s weight draped across his back and arms around his waist as he slept away the effects of another all-nighter to get his article finished in time. They had not spoken about what this meant, and Tadashi cursed his luck that he had caught feelings that ran far more deeply than Hinata was capable of giving people who were not named Kageyama.

It was after final exams and Tadashi’s decision to not return to university for year 2 that he gave his final kiss to Hinata, releasing him from the obligation of pretending to feel something he didn't.

~~~~~

It was late June a couple years later when one of Tadashi's co-workers at the cafe texted him about a community theatre offering coming up within a few weeks. Reading the message from his vantage point on the floor in an attempt to cool down from the Tokyo summer that had yet to truly begin in an apartment without air conditioning made him smile as he texted back his thanks. After pondering the message thread for a small moment, he extended an invitation to his co-worker to join him after she was done work, and she responded that she was already on her way.

Tadashi peeled himself off the floor to put on just enough clothing to not scandalize his neighbors when he opened the door to let his co-worker and bed partner into the apartment. After he pulled on a pair of thin shorts, he came to a quick realization that clothes or no, it probably didn't matter, as he had slept with pretty much every single one of his neighbors at one point or another since moving in. He cringed internally, at least taking solace in the fact that in his quest for connection, he burned through partners one at a time instead of several at once, and never took payment for his time, his two criteria for being a whore.

As many people as Tadashi spent time with, he could not find someone to replace what he had with Tsukki. With every new person, Tadashi came to the stark realization that even though it was messy and dysfunctional, it was also the only time in his life that he could be sure that his feelings were being returned, barring those couple months right before they graduated high school. As disheartening as this sounded, it did not stop Tadashi from trying to find the connection he so dearly wanted.

As his bed partner left the apartment, blowing Tadashi a kiss and both their bodies sated, he covered his face, knowing that this one wouldn't work out either.

~~~~~

A couple years later, Tadashi found himself in the makeup room of a TV studio, where he was being prepared for his extensive makeup as one of the side characters, a giraffe. He found it darkly amusing that his completely average height on the Karasuno team qualified him to play a tall, gangly character. Tadashi couldn't complain, as it was a regular gig, allowing him to no longer have to work at the cafe, which was a whole lot better than most actors could say. For the most part, he was able to ignore the voice that told him that Tsukki should be the one playing a giraffe, not him.

As Tadashi turned to his phone to catch up on volleyball news, he caught sight of his makeup artist taking a peek at his phone's screen. He quickly explained, “I'm always looking to see how my friends are doing.” It was true: Tadashi had already found stories about Noya, Oikawa, and Ushiwaka, and today he found a front page story about Kageyama, who was just called up from the minor leagues.

“You used to play volleyball?” The makeup artist pulled Tadashi's unruly mop under a wig cap in preparation for the headpiece.

Tadashi blushed at the question. “Yeah, in high school. If you can believe it, I was far from the tallest, and look at me now!” Tadashi's charming grin only moderately covered the dull ache in the shape of hazel eyes behind thick-rimmed glasses that had taken residence in his heart since high school ended years ago.

After filming ended for the day, Tadashi invited the makeup artist back to his place. She was nearly what he was looking for, but as he looked down on her sleeping form curled up against his, he couldn't help but feel like something was missing.

~~~~~

After a couple years working on a children's show, Tadashi found employment on a sitcom as the salty sidekick who everyone loved anyway. He drowned the irony away by looking up memes about professional volleyball players, made even better now that Hinata was in that scene. Tadashi was glad to see that Hinata looked happier than ever, and his bits with Kageyama were true comedy gold, at least before Kageyama's injury.

Looking at videos of Hinata pranking his former peers on camera (Tadashi’s favorite was when he unleashed two very loud, blonde twins onto Ushiwaka), he couldn't help but feel envious of Hinata finding the closure he needed. Tadashi was not so heartless to begrudge someone happiness, he just played a heartless bastard on TV.

It also was extraordinarily easy for Tadashi to get into his role. He simply had to imagine Tsukki’s face and he barely had to look at the script for direction. He found himself quickly getting caught in the midst of a media storm due to the popularity of his character, and quickly found out that a good chunk off his fanbase were the motherly type, so he had no shortage of people who wanted to see the best for him.

The pit of loneliness that Tadashi had been fighting for the better part of a decade only became worse, enough that Sakamoto, one of his costars, forced him into a blind double date.

“Don't worry, Yamaguchi-kun”, he assured, “despite him being your age, he refuses to watch conventional media. You can be yourself without worrying if someone is using you for your fame. That way, you can see if you can find the connection I know you crave.” Tadashi looked over at Sakamoto with a look that he normally reserved for the screen, knowing full well that the other had too much dirt on him from a former tryst for him to say no. After begrudgingly giving his assent to join them on the date the following evening, Tadashi set about finishing off the day's work.

When The Night finally arrived, Tadashi entered the cozy izakaya and quickly located Sakamoto sitting in one of the booths, who was beckoning Tadashi over from behind a blond head that was nearly blocking his view of his friend. Anxiety curled in Tadashi’s stomach at the combination of “tall and blond”, but as Tadashi approached the table, his face dropped in abject horror. Instead of simply being a ghost from his past, Tsukki was sitting in front of Tadashi, in the flesh, looking just as shocked as him.

“You've got to be fucking kidding me.” The words left Tadashi's lips before his self restraint could rein in his emotions.

Sakamoto looked between Tadashi and Tsukki with a curious gaze. “You two already know each other?”

Tadashi steeled himself against the history that was threatening to overcome his senses, quickly explaining, “We went to high school together. We used to be pretty close, but we haven't spoken since he left for university.”

Tadashi looked at Sakamoto’s face, determined not to return Tsukki’s gaze that he could feel trained upon his face, as he watched the wheels turning in his costar’s brain.

“Don't think too hard, you'll burn your last brain cell.” Tadashi did his best to deflect his situation away from Sakamoto’s thoughts, and his own growing pain in his chest.

“Keep up with that, and you'll turn into a salty bastard, not just play one on TV.” Sakamoto took Tadashi's bait, for which he was glad.

“You could ask the original salty bastard himself,” and Tadashi indicated Tsukki sitting beside him.

Sakamoto laughed uproariously. After Tadashi shared a couple of examples of how he was not playing a caricature, but a fully faceted human being (most notably Tsukki vs. Tendou and Tsukki and the Gym 3 crowd), Tadashi was able to relax and enjoy the night. He was surprised that the Salt Shaker twins that used Ushiwaka as gymnastics equipment were his (“They're so loud, Tsukki.” “Hinata gave them sugar right before that. I fed them cake before dropping them off at his place tonight.”).

By the end of the night, the tension had relaxed enough that Tadashi felt comfortable sharing his number with Tsukki, who shared his in return. They didn't hug at the end, but promised to keep talking, and Tadashi knew that he was at least going to try to keep up on his end.

Tadashi had just set his phone down on his night stand and plugged it in for the night when he heard the tell tale buzz.

_ Tsukki: I had fun tonight. We should do it again soon. Let me know when your shooting schedule calms down. _

**Author's Note:**

> I have a [Pillowfort](https://www.pillowfort.io/littlemisstpk) where I post my comments about the manga I'm reading, as well as some writing thoughts. I'm always up for talking!


End file.
